What to Do When Life's Not Easy

For some reason it hits us by surprise. Despite the adage “Life’s not fair,” despite Buddha’s first noble truth, “Life is suffering,” we can get blindsided when our expectations of life don’t line up with reality. It’s not easy to deal when our plans fall apart. It’s not easy to handle fatigue when you have to keep moving. It’s not easy to show up when you want to stay home; to juggle the responsibilities you didn’t realize you were getting yourself into.  It’s not easy to catch a curveball. Yet I think we tend to forget it’s not supposed to be easy. At least, I have a tendency to forget it’s not supposed to be easy. I notice I get pretty darn disgruntled and bent out of shape when life doesn’t go the way I want. Those feelings of frustration, I also notice, are the real obstructions to an easy life. It’s not the curve balls and fatigue that cause difficulty, it’s our reaction to the tough stuff that make life what it is.

With that said, I wanted to share a few steps that have helped me along my own bumpy road. Here is what to do when life is not easy:

1. Notice. When difficulty creeps in and starts to cause a quality of unease in life, our knee-jerk reaction is to deny that it’s happening and seek whatever pleasure with which we can distract ourselves. Overworking and over consuming are two examples of distractions that come to mind, but there’s something for everyone out there. I think on a subconscious level, we notice the unease before we cognitively recognize it, and, due to habit, we run away from it before we give ourselves a chance to realize we’re unhappy. The power of denial is a strong coping mechanism, but it can hinder one from living a happy life. Honesty = happiness. We can’t be honest with ourselves until we can learn to pause, and notice when we’re not having an easy time. Before we can feel better about what’s going on, we first have to notice what’s going on. 

      The pause is crucial in this step. Stop, and check in: notice any physical sensations. Do you have 

      butterflies in your belly? Is there tightness in your chest? How do your neck and shoulders feel? Notice the climate in your mind. Take note of any thoughts that come, any emotions you can put your finger on. Just notice.

2.  Admit it. This is a tough one, because generally we don’t like to admit we’re having a tough time. Our culture puts pressure on us by pumping out visuals, via the media, of how our lives should look. We get these pictures of cohesive families with happy pets and children; pictures of working mothers who seem to be able to handle a career and housework; pictures of men in suits happily pulling their new car into the driveway of their home. Flip through a magazine or turn on the TV, you’ll see these pictures and your mind might think, I can have that. Monkey see, monkey do. The thing about these pictures is this: the difficulty of trying to stay on top of all this stuff – the family, the pets, the job, the housework, paying for the new car, the mortgage – is not shown. When we’re feeling like we’re drowning in all the stuff we thought we could handle, we also feel alone; we feel like we’re the only ones having a tough time and we’re afraid to admit it because we don’t want to feel inadequate, or weak. It’s up to us to realize the reality of life and admit that it’s difficult.

The key in this step is acceptance. When you can admit that life’s not easy, you’re also accepting this fact. Practicing acceptance is a self-strengthening action because you own up to the reality of the situation. When you accept a situation is the way it is, you are telling yourself that you are strong enough to handle it. Remember, honesty = happiness. The truth will set you free, every time.

3.   Forgive.  It’s not easy to notice difficulty and admit difficulty. This is where forgiveness comes in. Forgiveness is the salve that will soothe the sadness you feel when you realize and admit life is not easy. The ticket here is to be gentle with your self. Show some self-love. Tell your self it’s okay. Forgive the frustrations you feel. Forgive the roadblock. Forgive those that are giving you a tough time. Forgive the whole situation. Forgiveness might not be easy; it might be a foreign concept. See if you can soften your stance toward whatever is plaguing you by realizing difficulty is necessary for growth and forgiveness is necessary for humanity.

4.    Keep going. Yup, don’t stop. You’ll probably feel emotionally raw from addressing your stress but that’s okay, just keep moving. Know that life isn’t about feeling great all the time; it’s okay to feel down. You’re doing a great job. You really are. Now keep breathing, keep waking up in the morning and do what you have to do to take care of yourself. Be kind – to yourself and others. Do a little something positive for yourself each day: catch up with an old friend. Take a dance class. Practice your art. Take a bath and let yourself melt. Cook a delicious meal, sit down and let yourself enjoy it. Talk to someone. Know you’re not alone. Know that you’re strong enough to handle whatever is on your plate. You’re being forged by fire, so own it and keep moving, one step at a time.

So there it is. Four steps to take when life’s not easy: notice it, admit it, forgive it, and keep going. Remember to pause. Remember to practice acceptance. Be kind to yourself, and put one foot in front of the other.  Lastly, remember that a smooth sea never made a skillful sailor.

Much love.

Pregnancy and Puppies

So far pregnancy has taught me that I’m not perfect like I always wanted to be. I mess up. I get frustrated, and allow the frustrations to momentarily take over as I huff and puff and blow out strings of expletives the world doesn’t need to hear, let alone the baby.  I get moody, and forget about all the things I should be grateful for. I get lazy; I sit and do nothing with a cat on my lap while gazing at a dirty kitchen because I believe providing a resting place for a furry friend is a nobler activity than doing dishes. My grandma would be aghast at the way I take care of my home.  I don’t put the most optimal foods in my body all the time. I’ve even imbibed wine on a few occasions, enjoying the relaxation, at the same time wondering if I’m contributing to fetal alcohol spectrum disorder, or whatever it’s called.

The greatest imperfection I’ve found in myself, which is an umbrella for all imperfections heretofore mentioned, is the fact that I’m having trouble giving up myself for this other human being inside of me. I wasn’t expecting this. I thought I was going to instantly morph into Mother Teresa upon conception and revel in motherly sacrifice. I thought I was going to get high off the joy of putting myself, my wants, desires and cares aside for the child. I thought I was going to keep a perfect house, put perfect foods into my body, put perfect thoughts into my mind, and let perfect words flow out of my mouth. Yet I find I’m struggling for inspiration to get stoked over the little being that’s been taking over my body and my life.  I never knew I was so selfish until I got preggo.

The pup has been showing me up as well, providing for me a pretty humbling experience. I never knew I could love something so much in one moment and in the next, despise the little monster. I seriously question the sanity of those happy go lucky looking people walking their dogs about town. I want to ask them, one, “what were you thinking, bringing a dog into your home??” and two, “how did you get one so well behaved??”  Intellectually I know the answers to both questions. The first one is that a dog’s love is unlike any love you’ll encounter and the answer to the second question is that the behavior thing takes WORK. And time. And loads of patience… All things I found I actually wasn’t ready to give. This realization really freaked me out, because if I wasn’t ready to give the work, time and patience it takes to raise a puppy, how was I going to expect myself to be cool giving all that (and more so) to a human child???

Humbling, indeed. So I find out I’m not perfect, and also selfish to boot. I suppose it’s a good thing I’m coming to terms with all this before the baby arrives.  Jeff has been my rock and role model through all this. There was one moment in which I was lamenting over the puppy’s tortured cries from his crate and Jeff looked at me and asked, “when have you ever met a creature on this earth who can do exactly what he wants, all the time?” I was riled up, frustrated and wanting to argue so I pointed emphatically at the fluffy cat demurely poised on the kitchen counter and said, “CATS! Cats can do whatever they want, all the time, and they are the best pets EVER!”

However Jeff’s point was made, and I knew it the moment he made it.  The puppy needs to be taught the most important lesson in life and that is, life’s not fair: sometimes we just can’t do what we want, when we want. There are rules, and the rules are there for good reason, the rules allow for happy and safe cohabitation among all creatures. Being the individual that has to teach the pup this super hard lesson is more difficult than learning the lesson. I just hate the cries. I hate being the bad guy; I want to be his loving, fun friend all the time. The puppy and me are learning the difficult “life’s not fair lesson” together.

I’m reminded of one of the most important books I’ve read in my life: Karma-Yoga and Bhakti-Yoga by Swami Vivekananda. For any person struggling to come to terms with his duty in life, I recommend reading the Karma-yoga section of this book. I read the book at a time in which I was doing exactly what I wanted, so the lessons weren’t driven home until now, when I find myself not doing what I want all the time. Swami Vivekananda reminds us “the cause of all the miseries we have in the world is that men foolishly think pleasure to be the ideal to strive for.” Pleasure is something that is fleeting, and the real goal to strive for in life is knowledge, which is lasting and useful. Vivekananda goes on: “Happiness and misery have an equal share in molding character, and in some instances misery is a better teacher than happiness.” So we think we gain pleasure by doing exactly what we want, all the time, and we do, for a time – but it doesn’t last. What really fills us up as human beings is the knowledge we gain from practicing the discipline it takes to fulfill the duties we signed up for. That’s where the real love comes from.

So it’s not easy for Max to hang out in his crate, away from his pack, but that’s what keeps him safe while his humans are off fulfilling the duties that allow us to keep the home and lifestyle we have.  Sometimes I’d rather not run around with him in the yard but that’s what keeps him a happy and healthy pup – it might not be pleasurable for me at the time because maybe I’d rather be sitting, staring at dirty dishes with a cat on my lap - but I must remember that surface-level pleasure and pain are inconsequential in the whole scheme of life compared to the gratification one gains from a little act of selflessness. Maybe I’d rather choose chocolate and wine over kale and a big dose of protein but I must remember that the chocolate ends, the wine glass empties; what lasts is the nutrition I can give to my baby.

So I’m not perfect, but I’m learning and that’s all I can ask for from myself. I’m grateful for these humbling puppy/pregnancy experiences because they’ve been teaching me a great deal about myself, and about the way I want to live my life. Chocolate and wine, and cats on my lap are certainly things to be enjoyed but I’m finding there’s more out there – there’s something deeper to experience. Maybe I’m learning how to be a mother.

A bit about Fear...

… Fear is at the root of what inhibits us from living the life that we choose. Specifically, it’s not fear in itself that keeps us from living our dream life, it’s the way in which we respond to fear that keeps us from living a life in which we greet each new day with joy and exuberance... A life filled with wonder and zest; a life sprinkled with miracles – a life in which you are living freely, for everyday you get to do the work that makes you feel alive and purposeful, for you get to share the gifts that are uniquely yours.

That life is possible. You can live that life, the one you want. It’s actually here – right in front of you, waiting for you to courageously name what you want, pay attention to the fears that squeeze your heart, and change your reaction to them. Instead of shutting down in the face of fear and escaping from the discomfort, using whatever your tactic may be – over-consuming, overworking, tangling yourself in the dramas created in your mind, to name a few – instead of pushing that fear away or covering it up, look into it.

Get curious. Inquire into the nature of your hesitation with life. Inquire into the nature of whatever it is that puts a wall between you and others. Inquire into the antsy, anxiousness you feel in the mind when you find yourself in a time of transition – driving home from work for example, or moving homes, or beginning a new job or a relationship. Inquire into the list of reasons (your mind creates) not to follow your heart… too much money… too much commitment… too unusual, what will people think? … What if I fail?

The list goes on. Inquire into all of that. Summon courage and pause. Sit with the anxiousness you feel, observe the qualities of it. How does it feel in the body? What is the quality of your breath? How does it feel in your heart? How does it feel in your throat? Ask yourself what you’re afraid of, really. Probe deeper when you get answers, notice what you feel. Allow all of your feelings to be there. Allow each to present itself, for they will bring you the gift of wisdom, and with wisdom comes the strength to follow your bliss.

Here’s the key: inquire into all of that with kindness. The stuff we have a tendency to push away is deep and scary to look at; you probably don’t pause and pull it up very often, for it’s part of the human condition to escape discomfort and strive for pleasure. We hold onto a lot of memories from past experiences that have shaped who we are. Some are good. Some are bad. Both good and bad are necessary for growth in life. Bad feelings may bubble up when sitting with fear, left over from bad memories held in the body. Allowing these feelings to be there is necessary in order to make peace with them; sitting with them with a forgiving, kind and loving heart is the healing medicine you need in order to realize that you are not your fear. You are large enough, powerful enough to hold your fear in your heart in the same way a mother holds a child in hers. Hold it in your heart and forge on; it doesn’t have to hold you back.

So when we sit with fear and look into it, we find at the root of all fear is fear of death. Death of a moment, death of an age, death of a relationship, death of the ego, death of a life – what have you – we are very afraid of the inevitable end. It’s understandable, fear of death must be built into us in a deep and pervading way - fear of death is a survival instinct. So again, we must approach fear with respect and kindness – it’s there for a reason.

However, it’s our fear of death that is the cause for our tendency to attach ourselves to pleasure, praise, work, people, relationships, thought patterns, stories, emotions, you name it. Attachment is a big issue with humans; it’s the cause of suffering. The moment we are born, we take a dive off the cliff of life, and, falling through the space of life and tumbling towards death, we flail, we reach, we grasp for any rock, nook or cranny to hold onto, to slow it down, to escape it, to cheat death. We fight the fall. We fight it by grasping for things that will distract us from the inevitable. That’s called attachment.

The thing about attachment is that the objects of our attachments will always slip away, break off, turn to dust and blow away in the wind. We know this, so we stress out about hanging on to them. We grow fearful we’ll lose them. Our attachments are temporary band-aids covering up the real problem, and that is we’re falling, we don’t know what’s going to happen, and we’re afraid. When we can see our attachments for what they are we can decide if they serve us, and we can decide to let them go. The freedom you gain, the energy you save from letting go of attachments that do not serve you will aid you on the path to your bliss.

What if we can jump off the cliff and, instead of flailing, fearful - what if we choose to soar? The fear can be there - after all, we are soaring through uncertainty, and towards death – but what if we can hold that fear with kindness and courageously accept all that comes, as it comes. When we can choose to accept the uncertainty and laugh with the fear, we can open our eyes and see all the delicious possibility of life. Life is a gift, and it’s for us to do with what we will. We can sleep through it, or wake up to it. We can flail or soar.  The choice is ours. 

Choosing a good life is not an easy path at times. It takes facing fears, looking inside, forgiving yourself and letting go of pains and gains, which takes commitment and practice. However I think it's worth it... I think I'm tired of scraping my fingers on the the cliffside, grasping to attach myself in order to escape the inevitable. Might as well take a risk and let go, fly in the uncertainty, notice the view, laugh at the turbulence, get curious and have a little fun while we've got this life, this space to soar. 

3 Powerful Lessons I've Learned from Growing Dreadlocks, Going Raw and Kicking Intoxicants

I've made a few changes in the last few months, as you can gather from the title of this blog. The dreadlocks came first; around the last week in May I stopped shampooing and brushing my hair, which is a pretty extreme thing to do considering the upbringing I had and the image-driven culture in which I dwell. When I let go of maintaining my hair in the way society told me I should, the idea of applying make-up also seemed silly to me, so I stopped doing that as well. I also stopped tweezing my eyebrows - something I was always convinced I should do. I decided that when I look in the mirror, I want to see me, every rogue hair, freckle and spot - not the little tweaks I made in order to cover that stuff up so I could feel like the world will accept me for my prettied face.

Once I stopped trying to cover up the stuff that society deems unacceptable, I felt my mask melt off. I started shining from the inside, knowing that I had the courage to bare my imperfections. Once I was able to bare my "imperfections," I realized I didn't really have any, that it was all made up in my mind, put there by my conditioning, silly magazine articles and television ads. I've faced my little fears and realized that it doesn't matter what others think of my appearance, which is kind of my message in this whole deadlocks thing. When it comes to appearance, it's important to adorn oneself in a way that aligns with what's going on inside, despite what others around you may think. My inner Viking warrior-princess is coming out, for this is the first time in my life I've empowered myself in taking control of my physical appearance by giving up control, and looking the way God created this unique manifestation of the universe that is me... It's a liberating feeling.

In addition to these outwardly changes, I've stopped consuming animal products and refined/processed food. Cleaning out my system in that way motivated me to stop drinking alcohol and caffeine. I'm proud to say I'm coming up on my fourth month sober from alcohol and caffeine (with a couple hiccups along the way on the caffeine front). I think I was born drinking coffee from the teat, so that was a rough one to kick.

These are some pretty significant changes, and inevitably I've learned some things along the way. Where ever you are in life right now, I'm hoping these three powerful lessons can resinate and be applicable on your own path.

1. Beauty blossoms from the inside - out. We all know this intuitively, but I think it's difficult to remember. This society's "beauty" industry preys on our human desire to be accepted by pumping out advertisements for clearer skin, longer lashes and flatter abs, what-have you, which in turn causes consumers to believe their eye lashes aren't already long enough, that acne is unacceptable, that a curvy tummy isn't beautiful. Don't fall into it! If you read these advertisements consciously, you'll find yourself reading language that comes from a place of inadequacy, between the lines they say "buy this product and we'll make you better," as if you need improvement... Wear mascara, wash your face, and join a gym - I don't care - but first remember that you're perfect already.

Don't buy into something so easily, first you must understand the seller's agenda. I come across women everyday who fret about something that they believe needs improving when it comes to their appearance - whether they believe they're aging, or gaining weight, or they're too short or too tall, or their breasts are too small or too big. It's a little bit ridiculous, and I have to ask, "where is this coming from, and why does it matter?" If anything, their stress over wrinkles and weight is the real contributor to the wrinkles and weight, and I blame this media-conditioned culture for making us believe we're not beautiful unless we're thin, smooth and shiny. Sorry, but I'm not a plastic barbie doll. No one is. So stop  buying into the bull and remember that you're beautiful already. Beauty is in your smile, and in the light in your eyes. It's in your movement, in your grace, in your speech.

It's very important to feel beautiful; I'm not dissing the idea of beauty. I'm dissing the skewed definition of beauty we've come to accept as real. Beauty starts in the silence of your mind. That's where you realize your beauty - when you give yourself quiet time and connect with yourself again. Beauty flourishes when you give to others. It blossoms when you engage in your favorite exercise and realize your strength. It comes alive when you practice creativity.

So quit buying beauty products and start smiling. Start giving time to yourself. Start practicing kindness toward others. Go get the blood pumping, get sweaty and drink water. Remember the creativity you liked to partake in as a child. I promise, you will never feel more beautiful, and others around you will notice, too.

2. Nothing tastes as good as self-empowerment feels. Nothing tastes as good as vitality feels. Seriously, stop eating crap. You will love yourself for it. If you can't stop eating crap, simply be mindful of the crap you're putting into your body and notice how it makes you feel. You owe yourself that much. Man, I love pizza. Ooey, gooey, doughy, satisfying, tasty bread and cheese. Yummy. Yet I've come to realize pizza puts me in a food coma whenever I indulge, and not only that, I've realized it's hard to stop eating it once I've started. One slice of pizza? Please. While I'm eating that one slice I'm already planning on eating two, but stressing out because it's so good I'm going to want three, but I know three slices might be too much and oh, wait - was I eating pizza? I'm too busy stressing to actually enjoy the one slice I'm working on. I don't like food having that control over me. I don't like eating something that I know is not optimal for me, that I know is addictive. Go google genetically modified wheat. Not only is is difficult to digest, but it contains a man-made protein that attaches itself to the opiate receptors in your system, thus acting like heroine, leaving you dissatisfied and wanting more. It's no joke, and it's everywhere.

Empower yourself by educating yourself on what you're putting into your body. You only get one body in this lifetime. It's the vehicle that moves you through your life, and the better you care for it, the better every facet of your life will be. Processed food drags you down and messes with your brain chemistry. It's easy to lose yourself to man-made, food-like substances, much like it's easy to lose your self to drugs. Food that Mother Earth made, in its purist form, is best for the human body - but don't take my word for it. Get on your favorite search engine, get on youtube, go talk to people, go to the bookstore and find out for yourself. In this world, educating yourself on the food you eat and switching up your diet takes an immense amount of courage and discipline. I can tell you this, as someone on the other side, it is worth it. The lightness in your step, the amount of energy you have, the clarity in your mind - I'll take that over pizza any day. Try it to believe it. If you live in the Portland area, I will make you green juice. I'm that amped on it.

3. Trusting your sober self is the most powerful, loving thing you can do for yourself.  When you stop consuming intoxicants, be it alcohol, caffeine, or any other form, your relationship with the intoxicant becomes clear, namely, the reasons why you partook and what kept you justifying it. The feeling is akin to stepping out of a haze and finding yourself again.

For me, I started drinking at a young age in order to be rebellious, to be cool, to stave off boredom and the pressures of being a teen. By the time I became an adult, alcohol was ingrained into my lifestyle, and it became something to do, something to enjoy with others. More deeply, it was a way to feel comfortable around others because I didn't trust myself to be witty, social, accepted - without it. After eleven years without a significant break, it was taking a toll on my body I didn't realize until I stopped. The dehydration, the hangovers, the fogginess in the brain, the lethargy and lack of motivation, I accepted as normal.

My decision to stop drinking is akin to my decision to grow my dreadlocks. Just like I let go of maintaining my hair in order to trust my own beauty again, I let go of alcohol in order to trust my own personality. I realized alcohol wasn't serving me in a positive way, and when I stopped I fell in love with my sober self. Trusting yourself is the best thing you can do for your self. It's not easy for most, and it takes courage. When you stop consuming intoxicants, you start feeling. You feel life as you felt it when you were a child. It's nice to get that youth back.

I've come to learn that the human body is a miracle. You've got everything you need to heal, stay alive, stay happy and stay balanced already inside of you. When we start mucking up that perfect system with food and drugs, it gets thrown out of whack and then we think we need more outside substances to help us feel better and keep us going. When you take a break from putting substances into your body, you feel that perfect system working to get you back into balance again. It's a powerful, loving practice to let your body be, trusting in its miraculous, intricate systems that work together in perfect harmony. When we ingest an intoxicant, it's like putting a wedge into that harmony. Have trust in your body's own healing powers. If you can do that, you can connect with yourself in a beautiful way.

I can go on forever about all this, so I will end by asking you to please message me via facebook or email if there's something you'd like to change in your lifestyle, or a substance you'd like to take a break from, but the task seems scary or daunting. I've been there, and it makes it easier if there's someone you can reach. Friendly support helps :) I'm here. I'm here to help you empower yourself. We're in this together!

Lot's of Love,

Caitlin

"I can think. I can wait. I can fast..."

...As the main character claims in Hermann Hesse's beautiful novel, Siddhartha. I've chosen to recall these words because they are quite descriptive of my current experience, and the meaning of them have deepened for me as of late. Today is the last day of my own fast; I've spent the previous few weeks doing a good amount of thinking, waiting, and abstaining from food - which has led me to a few revelations I'd like to share with you, because they have to do with a deep part of the human experience and the quest to live a good life (which, when it comes down to it - is what I try to write about in all of these blogs).

I decided to embark on my fasting journey about 4 weeks ago, after a few indulgent weeks of celebrating the arrival of summer, traveling, visiting with family, and enjoying all those good summer treats we love to eat when family and friends get together: hamburgers, hot dogs, pizza, fries, chips, beer... My summer started out with a celebratory bang, and I realize now that in my mind - and perhaps yours - "celebrating" and "indulging" can be synonymous. 

Long story short, I indulged a bit too much and my taste buds were becoming accustomed to the fried, greasy, cheesy treats I was gobbling with gusto. I noticed my taste buds were asking for those treats when the celebrating was over... My taste buds would ask for a burger, and I would say to my husband, "Hey! Let's do burgers tonight!" And he would oblige, because burgers are tasty. Tasty, but not very life-regenerating. In fact I found myself feeling sluggish. My yoga practice was bland, and most days I wasn't motivated to practice because I felt I had too much food in my tummy. That depressed me a bit, and I found myself walking through life in a foggy, greasy food-induced haze. Not very fun...

That's about when Jeff suggested we fast, and he laid out a game plan: the first week, we abstain from meat. The second week, we abstain from everything but whole foods (whole grains, nuts, seeds, fruit, veggies, legumes). The third week, we eat nothing but fresh fruits and veggies, preferably blended. And the fourth week - which is where I am now - we eat nothing and drink water. 

Eee! I was skeptical at first, as I've never fasted before, and I love food - both for the sensory pleasure it brings me and the fuel it gives me. The thought of abstaining from something I love so much for its pleasure and necessity seemed like insanity to me. However, I had a curiosity and a desire to explore untrodden territory in my mind and body, and I made the commitment to follow it (loosely, in the beginning - I had to tip-toe in slowly.) 

So here I am now, sipping water and sitting with the hunger pangs - and here is my list of fasting revelations:

1.) Your taste buds adapt. You adapt. Yup, you might think you want the hamburger, but your body doesn't really (not for every meal, anyway).  Your habitual eating tendencies dictate what your taste buds are going to crave. If you eat nothing but lentils and veggies, you can bet you'll get excited about diving into a beautiful bowl of steaming, earthy, nourishing lentils at dinner time. If you eat nothing but fried foods, that's what you're going to think about when it's mealtime. I can't tell you how indulgent it was to dip my spoon into an avocado half during the whole food phase... I was awed by the beautiful color, the creamy texture, the rich taste... I was definitely not thinking about hamburgers, and I was totally excited about exactly what was in front of me. 

2.) It's a really good idea to take a step back. Fasting is a way to take a step back from your habitual tendencies and view them clearly, with perspective. When you take a break from your daily habits you're able to see them as they are - just habits - and they don't have to be in the driver's seat of your life. When you take a break you realize the nature of your attachments, and you're able to sort out what's good for you, and what's toxic for you. What control and power that gives you!

3.) It's okay to be uncomfortable. I'm not going to lie, fasting is hard. It's uncomfortable, both in mind and body, because you're doing something completely foreign to your body (that is, if you're a first timer like me). You experience hunger and dizzy spells, and then you experience fear, because you wonder if you're going to die without food, but then you remember the plump energy stores you got in your rump and you calm down a bit... Until the intense desire for food rears its angry head and wages battle in your mind. That's when the practice begins: to stay clam and observe the discomfort, fear and conflict within you. If you can stay present with the discomfort you can get beyond it and observe the nature of your relationship with food (or whatever else you may be abstaining from). You realize the discomfort is coming from your attachment to it. It's not the lack of food that's the struggle, it's the dealing with your mental attachment. When you can realize this, and accept the attachment for what it is (just something that's been created over the years through your past history, beliefs and habits), you can choose to let go, and then you can realize the strength in yourself.

4.) You're faced with the deeper reasons why you eat what you eat. I realize a lot of times I eat out of boredom, or to distract myself with the pleasure of yummy goodness. When I take food out of the equation, I'm forced to sit with whatever I want to be distracted from. It's not that cool; stuff comes up - but that's actually a good thing. I'm not hiding behind food, I'm recognizing the residual painful emotions that lurk beneath the surface, left over from my past struggles with being human. Sitting with the edgy, antsy, boredom of fasting is incredibly empowering, because you realize you are not your past, you are not your habits and you are not your attachments; letting go of those is hard at first, but quite liberating and strengthening.

5.) Fasting is an excellent way to reboot, restore and contemplate. While your digestive system gets a much needed rest, your mind does also - from planning, preparing and cooking meals. That's a lot of time that's freed up to... Contemplate. Think. Sit with yourself. Decide how you want to live. Decide what healthy habits you want to adopt when you go back to eating. It's like going on a vacation without going anywhere but inside yourself. Maybe not a vacation... more like a silent retreat... Inward.

6.) Meditation is easy-peasy during a fast. I've turned a corner on my yogic path this week and I've been able to drop in to mediation quite easily without the heavy presence of food in my belly. Senses are heightened. My connection to my sense of self has been strengthened. 

7.) I can survive. Wow wee, I can do it! I can be hungry and survive it. I can be uncomfortable and accept it. I can sit with myself and be okay. In the aforementioned novel, Siddhartha, the main character finds himself seeking a position with a merchant, who asks him what he has to give. Siddhartha's answer is,

I can think. I can wait. I can fast.

When the merchant asks him what that's good for, Siddhartha's reply is this:

It is very good, sir. When a person has nothing to eat, fasting is the smartest thing he can do. When, for example, Siddhartha hadn't learned to fast, he would have to accept any kind of service before his day is up, whether it may be with you or wherever, because hunger would force him to do so. But like this, Siddhartha can wait calmly, he knows no impatience, he knows no emergency, for a long time he can allow hunger to besiege him and can laugh about it. This, sir, is what fasting is good for. 

... So there it is. I know now that I am capable of patience. I am capable of laughing in the face of discomfort. I'm in the driver's seat now; nothing and no one is going to force me into any situation because of my hunger, or my attachments to my habits or life's pleasures. This is because I can think, I can wait and I can fast. 

As I end this blog, I want to make clear that I am not recommending abstaining from food to my readers. Every body is unique and it's up to the owner of that body to tune in and figure out his/her individual needs. One man's medicine might be another man's poison. If you are interested in exploring the revelations I've discussed, you don't have to go without food, as there are other ways to fast. Think about what you are attached to on a daily basis - perhaps copious amounts of T.V, over-consumption of unnecessary material goods, or facebook, or a relationship that has been stressing you out... take a break from it and find yourself again! It's okay! It's empowering :) 

Posting this with lot's of love and a big thank you for reading. 

Love and Gratitude <3

A woman's beauty...

Doesn't come from make-up. It's not an age, or a dress size or a glowing complexion or shiny adornments. It doesn't come from her social circle or her career or her romantic relationships. It doesn't come from people telling her she's beautiful. A woman's beauty comes from realizing it. Herself.

That is the journey: casting aside the culture-conditioned ego that tells the woman she should look like everyone else; that the next woman over has something she doesn't, that if she dropped a size or changed her hair she'd be beautiful... The journey is casting aside that paradigm to realize her uniquely beautiful, strong, bad ass self already dwelling within her own heart.

A woman's beauty is what she gives to the world; it's whatever she deems beautiful, it's whatever gives her joy. It's her head held high. It's her open heart; it's her courage. It's her honesty. It's her humility. It's her carefree laugh with her head thrown back. Beauty is when she listens. It's her presence: when she is present in the moment and courageously accepting it for what it is - no expectations, no worries. A woman's beauty comes from letting go... letting go of trying to be beautiful... and relaxing into being beautiful. It comes from her acceptance of herself, and her rejection of anyone or anything that's ever told her to be anything different, anything other than who she is.

A woman's beauty is not something that can be attained, or bought; it's not a destination. It's not something you strive for; it's something you accept.

This Being Human...

A loved one of mine suffers from addiction. I've watched him struggle with it; watched him move through homelessness, rehab facilities, jail time, hospitalization and near-death experiences for over a decade now, and it's had an effect on me. When I can extricate myself from the pain and fear I feel for this person, I find addiction to be a fascinating human phenomenon, and I read up on it so I can understand the struggle.

The truth is, we live in a pretty addiction-ridden society; it's not just drugs and alcohol we attach ourselves to - it can be the processed sugar in our morning muffin, the TV show that enables you to check out, the card game you need to play just one more time, the brown leathery skin I see some people obsessed with attaining, the breast implants some women believe can never be big enough; I see addiction in the skeletal physique of a woman who can't be thin enough... Humans can become addicted to thought patterns, or certain images of themselves or others; addiction is apparent in abusive relationships - a person can simply be addicted to the rush of remorseful love that follows pain. Why is that? How, and why, do we so deeply attach ourselves to these substances, images, thoughts and feelings?

I don't really have an answer. I do know that the human body is an amazingly efficient and intelligent system, but it's possible for it to get confused, and out of whack. I've read that every cell in the human body (an estimated 50 trillion cells - correct me if I'm wrong) is equipped with a certain intelligence, and this intelligence gets used to what we give it. It's like each of our cells has a memory of its own, which leads me to view addiction as a holistic disease - it starts with a distorted image or idea in the mind, and proceeds to take over the whole body (if this is confusing, I recommend reading Deepak Chopra's Quantum Healing: Exploring the Frontiers of Mind/Body Medicine, as he explains this more clearly than I can, and with more depth).

So, addiction is something that starts in the mind - spurred by a thought pattern or conviction that's attached to the memory. The cells in the body pick up on it, causing the addiction to occur on a cellular level - making it pretty dang hard to detach oneself from whatever the body may be addicted to. Every cell in that body is egging him on to feed the addiction - causing him to act impulsively in striving for the object of his addiction, which leads to feelings of guilt, shame, or justification of the impulsive actions - and those negative feelings and justifications perpetuate the addiction.

My tender heart recognizes the struggle, and it goes out to those who experience this. It's kind of humanly impossible to eradicate addiction unless one realizes how deep the struggle goes.  Unless one learns how to develop the practice of pausing, and summoning silence, before one acts on his impulses...

Unfortunately the addicts that I have observed in my life can be pretty self-righteous, believing that it's simply a matter of will power, that they can stop when and if they want. I saw this a couple years ago when my loved one was going through treatment at a rehab center. I had the opportunity to attend meetings every Wednesday night - held for those in treatment, and their family and friends. I think the  intention of these meetings were to give family and friends a better understanding of what the users were struggling with, and also to let the users know they had a support system.

I remember feeling annoyed with my loved one at these meetings, as it was apparent that he had no interest in admitting he had a problem - to himself, let alone a room full of people. I'd pipe up and put in my two cents and I'd pose questions to the group, trying to participate in an effort to put us both on a path toward understanding and healing - all the while feeling my loved one seething in embarrassed, stubborn silence beside me.

The time came for him to "graduate" from his treatment, and at the last of these meetings, I had an opportunity to address him in front of the group. I could have told him anything. I wracked my brain for the right words of wisdom my immature, 23-year-old self could summon. Something told me this could be my one and only chance to tell him what I felt while he was sober, some-what humble, and listening. Ultimately I decided to speak to the good, loving, pained person I saw inside him, not the ugly user that felt compelled to lie, cheat and steal. I told him, simply - with a room full of witnesses - that I would love him no matter what. That I would support him - no matter what, always.

I go back to that night, that meeting, that opportunity - often. I think back to that night on the few occasions when I see him, glossy eyed and checked-out, and I think, Man! Maybe I should have been mean. Maybe I should have threatened him. Maybe I should have put on a stern face, looked him in the eye, dropped an F-bomb, and said, "If you mess up, I will disown you."

But I don't think that would have worked, either. What I want to tell him now is something I'd like to share with my readers, because I think it's something we should all try and remember, whether we're struggling with an addiction or not. It is this:

There is a story about a successful business man, who was interviewed by a news reporter. This man had it all: wealth, happiness, health, love... and the reporter, recognizing this, asked him,

"Sir, what is your secret to success?"

The man replied, "Three words. Making good decisions."

The reporter then asked, "How do you know how to make good decisions?"

"One word. Experience." - Was his answer.

The reporter came back with, "Okaaay... how do you gain the experience that enables you to make good decisions?"

"Three words," He answered -  "Making bad decisions."

So you see, making bad choices, making mistakes - is part of the process. You can't know how to live a good life unless you mess up a bit. This being human is a very, very difficult thing. We're all groping blindly, trying to deal with the hand that's been dealt to us. How are we to know how to deal? We do the best we can. Messing up, falling off the wagon, hurting someone else, what-have-you, will inevitably happen, because we are human. What matters is how you respond to your bad decisions. You have a choice: you can either be mindful of your mistake, address it, learn from it, forgive yourself and move on; or you can can let it lead you into a downward spiral of negativity.

Remember that 10% of life is the uncontrollable stuff that happens to you. 90% of life is how you react, or respond to that crap. That's a big chunk of life that's left up to you. You always have the choice of how to respond. You can't know how to respond unless you know how to pause, mentally remove yourself from your habitual tendencies, observe them for what they are, and choose a course of action that's better for you. That's waaaay easier said than done - it takes time and practice - but it starts with being honest with yourself, forgiving yourself, and then being mindful.

Addiction is a pretty scary thing. Even if it's possible to heal, it can leave some nasty scar tissue. But the cool thing is that it's possible to rise above. It's Possible. I commend the individuals who rise above it everyday. Everyday they realize it's up to them to make the choice for their own greater good... I'm sure some days are easier than others... but it's that struggle, the honesty with the struggle, and the ultimate realization that they are not their addiction - they are something more - a conscious, living, choosing human being - is what it's all about.