Rooting to Rise

I'm newly married, and I'm finding a bit of unexpected joy in discovering what makes my husband tick. Of course, I knew Jeff before we were married - I knew him enough to want to spend the rest of my life with him - but upon marrying him I'm inevitably viewing him with new, fresh wife-eyes. My wife-eyes are so excited about my new husband, and they're gazing upon him with a deeper intensity than the old girlfriend-eyes did. All the time, they're watching for subtle nuances of what delights him, what he frowns upon, what makes him uncomfortable, what makes him chuckle, what brings forth that twinkle in his eye...

One thing my wife-eyes are noticing about my husband is that he has quite the green thumb. Er, let me rephrase that,  because I've always known that he likes plants - what I'm really noticing is the way he lights up when he sees new growth springing forth from a plant in our garden. I'm noticing the enthusiasm with which he pushes the shopping cart merrily along the aisles in the gardening section at Lowe's - stopping here, stopping there, stroking his beard in consideration of the prospective new addition to our garden before him. I'm noticing the way he studies his plants. I think maybe the neighbors have noticed it too; the way he stands with his feet firmly planted in the grass in our small front yard, facing the house, hands on his hips, brows knit, eyes cast down on our plants for long durations of time. What is he looking at? - I look out the window and wonder.

His new experiment has been taking clippings from other plants, sticking them in soil and seeing if they root. The latest one was our "Love Ficus" clipping, which he stuck in a pot upon our arrival home from our honeymoon - the point being that if the ficus took root, then our job would be to nourish it and let it grow for the duration of our union - the ficus would grow with us.

While sitting in our front patio under the lazy summer sun this past weekend, drinking chilled chardonnay (sunshine in a goblet, I say!) and looking at our plants, Jeff illuminated my understanding of the miracle that is plant-growth. He was expressing excitement over the microscopic new sprouts on our Love Ficus. I dubiously looked at the plant and said, "You think it's really growing? It still looks like the same size... How do you know if it even took root?"

Jeff smiled confidently and pointed out the tiny new sprouts. He patiently explained that at first, growth is stunted in a new plant because its energy is focused on rooting. Only once the plant feels comfortable in its foundation will it initiate the growth of its leaves and start reaching for the sun. "I know it has rooted, because the energy is now focused on growth," Jeff demonstrated by gently pinching the stalk of the little ficus; sure enough, it didn't budge.  I chuckled at this and nodded at the intelligence of the plant.

We can learn a thing or two from the plant's way of surviving. So often in our culture, our focus is fixed on the end result: we want to by-pass the process and land the dream job, have the happy relationship, shed the 10 lbs, have clarity of mind, peace in the heart, what-have you - and we want all of that now. What we forget - I think - is what needs to go on underneath in the soil before any of that good stuff manifests.

I see the same cultural phenomenon in my beginning yoga classes from time to time. Students expectantly look at me in class, waiting for me to guide them into full expressions of advanced postures - because for them, that is their end-result and the point to their practice. They disregard the breath work and easy postures I guide them through because in their mind, that has already been tackled (we can all breathe, right?) and they've got their sights on the "cool looking" stuff (I can say these things, because I was once that kind of yoga student).

By caring only for the end result - whether it be the full expression of a yoga posture, a flowering plant, a fulfilling relationship, a successful career - you are tripping yourself up by forgetting the most important part of the process that leads you to attain these things: establishing a foundation and rooting yourself into it. How do we do that - you ask?

Stop. Close your eyes. Take a breath - a big one. Reflect on where you want to be (in life, in yoga, what-have-you) and ask yourself why.  If you feel good about that answer - if it lines up with your beliefs - it's now time to practice acceptance of where you are right now. Dig deep into your yoga practice as it is today, and feel good about it. Take a look at what's going on in your life, in your thoughts, in your feelings. Weed out the bad thoughts, find out where the negative feelings may be coming from. Only once you know where you are right now, can you begin to move into the direction of where you want to be. 

We all want to rise up and reach for the sun. We want to be our best selves and contribute that greatness to the world. What I learned from our little Love Ficus this weekend is that even a weak cutting can grow into something great - what it takes is the time and energy it needs to root before it rises.

The only Uncomfortable thing about Discomfort is your Fear of it...

One thing I've learned from my yoga practice so far: it is okay to be uncomfortable. Yes, I said it. A strange idea in this culture, I think - because we spend so much time, money and energy striving for ultimate comfort: comfortable homes, comfortable cars, comfortable beds, couches, comfy big-screen TV's to rest our weary eyes, lots of food on big plates to keep our hungry bellies at bay, lots of everything so it's all in within hand's reach right when we need it... Our quality of life is often viewed and described in terms of these things with which we measure our comfort levels. The idea of not being in your comfort zone becomes uncomfortable even to fathom, because we have so much invested in comfort.

Practicing yoga involves making the conscious decision to move yourself into uncomfortable situations. You willingly move yourself into postures in which you are feeling the state of your body (as opposed to trying to forget about it in front of the television). You feel the tension in the tight hips and hamstrings, you feel the burn of your muscles as they fire up in Warrior series. You feel your thoughts, motivations, desires, anxieties in the silence of the room, in the whisper of your breath. In yoga, we are confronted with discomfort - which leads to the question, why do we practice, then, if all we want is comfort?


I will answer like this: in practicing yoga, we practice our willpower. Yes, it is true we face discomfort in our bodies and minds as we move through our practice - but the key is that we do it willingly. Making the choice to move yourself into a tense spot puts you in the driver's seat. You've decided that you are in control of how far you will go, and what you will feel; deep down you know that the tension is something you can overcome - and the only uncomfortable thing about the tension is your fear of it.

When you make the decision to put yourself in the driver's seat of your thoughts, actions and feelings, you realize the delusion of discomfort; it's merely a preconception constructed by past experience, shrouded by fear. The fear of discomfort dissipates because you've faced it - and what is left is this sense of strength because you were able to face something you might not have wanted to face yesterday. The sage does not experience difficulties, because he faces them. 

With all of that said, I would like to note now that there is a difference between discomfort and pain. Discomfort is something that makes you stronger when you face it. Pain is something you need to listen to and back away from. If you are feeling something you don't want to face, ask yourself why - why is this uncomfortable for me? If it hurts, use the pain as a guidance and ease back into a safer position, from there you may try to locate the source of the pain. If you're feeling scared because you're experiencing feelings in a realm you're unfamiliar with, exercise your willpower and show yourself what you're made of.

Here I Am

The thought crossed my mind that I should introduce myself, and my purpose in writing this blog. I will keep the first part brief, because who I am will inevitably unfold with my posts. For now, I will say that my name is Caitlin. I am a writer, yoga practitioner, teacher (I try), runner, dancer, novice musician, quiet contemplator, friendly conversationalist, and an avid lover of: cats, cooking, road trips, wine, the written word and my Husband. Yes, I capitalized that last item because he's my favorite.

As for my purpose in writing this blog, bear with me while I get my thoughts in order. What exactly is my purpose? The last two years of my life have been a whirlwind; I've recently reached a space in which I can take a breath and a look back over my shoulder. Now, a hypothetical look down at my feet: here I am; married, teaching yoga classes, smiling, breathing, enjoying, loving... Blissfully settled. I prefer not to delve too much into my personal journey right now - perhaps it will come out in time - but I will tell you that a couple years ago I was singing a different tune - as a sad, confused and searching young girl.

Love, Yoga and a Determined Heart turned out to be the tonic I needed to get back in touch with myself. The love turned me upside-down and shook the sadness from the small corners and crevices of my being. It reminded me of the great beauty of this world. It presented me with self reflection and made me want to present my best Self. The Yoga revealed my best Self, and the possibility of attaining it. The Determined Heart keeps me on my path when I falter.

What I'm trying to say is, I've learned a thing or two in the last year, and as a result (or cause? I'm not sure..) I've deepened my yoga practice. I've experienced some amazing, ground-breaking, Caitlin-evolving life lessons in the realm of yoga - on my mat and off. The lessons that I have (painfully at times) taken to heart have launched me into this beautiful life I'm living now. Through this blog, I want to share my teaching and practicing experience, along with little yogi tidbits - revelations, lessons, laughs, advice, thoughts, questions - that I collect along the way. EEE... We shall see what unfolds.

From My heart to Yours,

Caitlin

I Am Learning

Yoga has been a part of my life for over a decade, yet I don't think I started learning what it's all about until I started teaching last year. What a presumptuous thing for me to do! To think I could teach something so multi-dimensional, so timeless, so complex yet simple, so strenuous yet mentally relaxing, so transformative... something so... ineffable. I didn't realize I was such a novice until I found myself at the front of the studio in my first class, facing a group of expectant, wide-eyed students. The breath caught in my throat, and my stomach clenched. I wanted so badly for each individual seated before me to feel the yummy-ness of breath and movement. I wanted them to feel the peace of stillness that comes from focusing attention. I wanted them to experience the bliss of yoga - right off the bat. My mind frantically searched for the magic words - the incantation that would bring these students to an instant yogic experience. To no avail, the words did not come. They did not come because they don't exist - this is something I am learning.

I am learning that each person who walks through the door of the yoga studio is his/her own unique entity - comprised of thoughts - good and bad, emotions, desires, motivations, aches, pains, strains, experiences, expectations and reservations. I am learning that these things are personal, they are in flux all the time, and they have an affect on a person's receptivity to the benefits of yoga. In order to really gain an understanding of what yoga is and why we do it, one must first learn the practice of packing up the baggage so the mind may be free to explore and receptive to what yoga has to teach. Some people have an easier time leaving everything at the door - yet for most, the practice of yoga lies in understanding that thoughts and emotions are not lasting, and it is possible to let go of them. That, indeed, is a practice; it is difficult to do right away - we're so attached to our swirling thoughts and feelings because we so easily identify with them as ourselves. I am learning that there are no magic words in yoga (however Om comes pretty close); the magic lies in the student's capacity to let go, open and receive.

What happens if you stop for a moment, and concentrate on taking three big, deep, full breaths. Go, ahead - stop reading and try it. While you do so, give all of your exquisite attention solely on these breaths: notice the way your belly expands on the inhale, notice the cool air that flows into the nostrils, notice the warm air that flows out on the exhale. Notice the control you have over the length and speed of your breath.

What happened? If your concentration was fixed on your breathing, then your thoughts fell away for those few delicious moments while you were taking the breaths. Those thoughts are gone forever; you've just been recharged, you've just received. Now it time to choose what your next thought will be. Make it a good, positive one!

I am learning that yoga is a systematic process that, when employed, gradually reveals the depth of its transformative potential. Yes, I said transformative. I don't mean that if you practice yoga, you'll become a different person. I mean that yoga is a science - it systematically uses breathwork and a sequence of postures in order to fix the mind. When the mind is fixed, it operates on a different wavelength. This level of stillness brings clarity - clarity of who you really are. This clarity brings a mindfulness into your everyday life and actions, which inevitably helps shed away the layers of past experiences, shallow thoughts, anxieties, emotions, etc that may be covering up your truest, strongest Self.

As a yoga practitioner and teacher, I am learning all the time. I think that's why I'm involved in yoga - more more I practice the more I learn - about myself, my relationships, the workings of my mind, what stirs my heart, what brings me peace, what makes me huffy... and the more I learn the more I realize how much more room I have to learn and grow. The learning process is an almost painfully revealing, yet joyous and invigorating part of life. Learning is living - it's growing. It's a process that keeps you a gloriously enlivened human being.