I decided to embark on my fasting journey about 4 weeks ago, after a few indulgent weeks of celebrating the arrival of summer, traveling, visiting with family, and enjoying all those good summer treats we love to eat when family and friends get together: hamburgers, hot dogs, pizza, fries, chips, beer... My summer started out with a celebratory bang, and I realize now that in my mind - and perhaps yours - "celebrating" and "indulging" can be synonymous.
Long story short, I indulged a bit too much and my taste buds were becoming accustomed to the fried, greasy, cheesy treats I was gobbling with gusto. I noticed my taste buds were asking for those treats when the celebrating was over... My taste buds would ask for a burger, and I would say to my husband, "Hey! Let's do burgers tonight!" And he would oblige, because burgers are tasty. Tasty, but not very life-regenerating. In fact I found myself feeling sluggish. My yoga practice was bland, and most days I wasn't motivated to practice because I felt I had too much food in my tummy. That depressed me a bit, and I found myself walking through life in a foggy, greasy food-induced haze. Not very fun...
That's about when Jeff suggested we fast, and he laid out a game plan: the first week, we abstain from meat. The second week, we abstain from everything but whole foods (whole grains, nuts, seeds, fruit, veggies, legumes). The third week, we eat nothing but fresh fruits and veggies, preferably blended. And the fourth week - which is where I am now - we eat nothing and drink water.
Eee! I was skeptical at first, as I've never fasted before, and I love food - both for the sensory pleasure it brings me and the fuel it gives me. The thought of abstaining from something I love so much for its pleasure and necessity seemed like insanity to me. However, I had a curiosity and a desire to explore untrodden territory in my mind and body, and I made the commitment to follow it (loosely, in the beginning - I had to tip-toe in slowly.)
So here I am now, sipping water and sitting with the hunger pangs - and here is my list of fasting revelations:
1.) Your taste buds adapt. You adapt. Yup, you might think you want the hamburger, but your body doesn't really (not for every meal, anyway). Your habitual eating tendencies dictate what your taste buds are going to crave. If you eat nothing but lentils and veggies, you can bet you'll get excited about diving into a beautiful bowl of steaming, earthy, nourishing lentils at dinner time. If you eat nothing but fried foods, that's what you're going to think about when it's mealtime. I can't tell you how indulgent it was to dip my spoon into an avocado half during the whole food phase... I was awed by the beautiful color, the creamy texture, the rich taste... I was definitely not thinking about hamburgers, and I was totally excited about exactly what was in front of me.
2.) It's a really good idea to take a step back. Fasting is a way to take a step back from your habitual tendencies and view them clearly, with perspective. When you take a break from your daily habits you're able to see them as they are - just habits - and they don't have to be in the driver's seat of your life. When you take a break you realize the nature of your attachments, and you're able to sort out what's good for you, and what's toxic for you. What control and power that gives you!
3.) It's okay to be uncomfortable. I'm not going to lie, fasting is hard. It's uncomfortable, both in mind and body, because you're doing something completely foreign to your body (that is, if you're a first timer like me). You experience hunger and dizzy spells, and then you experience fear, because you wonder if you're going to die without food, but then you remember the plump energy stores you got in your rump and you calm down a bit... Until the intense desire for food rears its angry head and wages battle in your mind. That's when the practice begins: to stay clam and observe the discomfort, fear and conflict within you. If you can stay present with the discomfort you can get beyond it and observe the nature of your relationship with food (or whatever else you may be abstaining from). You realize the discomfort is coming from your attachment to it. It's not the lack of food that's the struggle, it's the dealing with your mental attachment. When you can realize this, and accept the attachment for what it is (just something that's been created over the years through your past history, beliefs and habits), you can choose to let go, and then you can realize the strength in yourself.
4.) You're faced with the deeper reasons why you eat what you eat. I realize a lot of times I eat out of boredom, or to distract myself with the pleasure of yummy goodness. When I take food out of the equation, I'm forced to sit with whatever I want to be distracted from. It's not that cool; stuff comes up - but that's actually a good thing. I'm not hiding behind food, I'm recognizing the residual painful emotions that lurk beneath the surface, left over from my past struggles with being human. Sitting with the edgy, antsy, boredom of fasting is incredibly empowering, because you realize you are not your past, you are not your habits and you are not your attachments; letting go of those is hard at first, but quite liberating and strengthening.
5.) Fasting is an excellent way to reboot, restore and contemplate. While your digestive system gets a much needed rest, your mind does also - from planning, preparing and cooking meals. That's a lot of time that's freed up to... Contemplate. Think. Sit with yourself. Decide how you want to live. Decide what healthy habits you want to adopt when you go back to eating. It's like going on a vacation without going anywhere but inside yourself. Maybe not a vacation... more like a silent retreat... Inward.
6.) Meditation is easy-peasy during a fast. I've turned a corner on my yogic path this week and I've been able to drop in to mediation quite easily without the heavy presence of food in my belly. Senses are heightened. My connection to my sense of self has been strengthened.
7.) I can survive. Wow wee, I can do it! I can be hungry and survive it. I can be uncomfortable and accept it. I can sit with myself and be okay. In the aforementioned novel, Siddhartha, the main character finds himself seeking a position with a merchant, who asks him what he has to give. Siddhartha's answer is,
I can think. I can wait. I can fast.
When the merchant asks him what that's good for, Siddhartha's reply is this:
It is very good, sir. When a person has nothing to eat, fasting is the smartest thing he can do. When, for example, Siddhartha hadn't learned to fast, he would have to accept any kind of service before his day is up, whether it may be with you or wherever, because hunger would force him to do so. But like this, Siddhartha can wait calmly, he knows no impatience, he knows no emergency, for a long time he can allow hunger to besiege him and can laugh about it. This, sir, is what fasting is good for.
... So there it is. I know now that I am capable of patience. I am capable of laughing in the face of discomfort. I'm in the driver's seat now; nothing and no one is going to force me into any situation because of my hunger, or my attachments to my habits or life's pleasures. This is because I can think, I can wait and I can fast.
As I end this blog, I want to make clear that I am not recommending abstaining from food to my readers. Every body is unique and it's up to the owner of that body to tune in and figure out his/her individual needs. One man's medicine might be another man's poison. If you are interested in exploring the revelations I've discussed, you don't have to go without food, as there are other ways to fast. Think about what you are attached to on a daily basis - perhaps copious amounts of T.V, over-consumption of unnecessary material goods, or facebook, or a relationship that has been stressing you out... take a break from it and find yourself again! It's okay! It's empowering :)
Posting this with lot's of love and a big thank you for reading.
Love and Gratitude <3
