A bit about Fear...

… Fear is at the root of what inhibits us from living the life that we choose. Specifically, it’s not fear in itself that keeps us from living our dream life, it’s the way in which we respond to fear that keeps us from living a life in which we greet each new day with joy and exuberance... A life filled with wonder and zest; a life sprinkled with miracles – a life in which you are living freely, for everyday you get to do the work that makes you feel alive and purposeful, for you get to share the gifts that are uniquely yours.

That life is possible. You can live that life, the one you want. It’s actually here – right in front of you, waiting for you to courageously name what you want, pay attention to the fears that squeeze your heart, and change your reaction to them. Instead of shutting down in the face of fear and escaping from the discomfort, using whatever your tactic may be – over-consuming, overworking, tangling yourself in the dramas created in your mind, to name a few – instead of pushing that fear away or covering it up, look into it.

Get curious. Inquire into the nature of your hesitation with life. Inquire into the nature of whatever it is that puts a wall between you and others. Inquire into the antsy, anxiousness you feel in the mind when you find yourself in a time of transition – driving home from work for example, or moving homes, or beginning a new job or a relationship. Inquire into the list of reasons (your mind creates) not to follow your heart… too much money… too much commitment… too unusual, what will people think? … What if I fail?

The list goes on. Inquire into all of that. Summon courage and pause. Sit with the anxiousness you feel, observe the qualities of it. How does it feel in the body? What is the quality of your breath? How does it feel in your heart? How does it feel in your throat? Ask yourself what you’re afraid of, really. Probe deeper when you get answers, notice what you feel. Allow all of your feelings to be there. Allow each to present itself, for they will bring you the gift of wisdom, and with wisdom comes the strength to follow your bliss.

Here’s the key: inquire into all of that with kindness. The stuff we have a tendency to push away is deep and scary to look at; you probably don’t pause and pull it up very often, for it’s part of the human condition to escape discomfort and strive for pleasure. We hold onto a lot of memories from past experiences that have shaped who we are. Some are good. Some are bad. Both good and bad are necessary for growth in life. Bad feelings may bubble up when sitting with fear, left over from bad memories held in the body. Allowing these feelings to be there is necessary in order to make peace with them; sitting with them with a forgiving, kind and loving heart is the healing medicine you need in order to realize that you are not your fear. You are large enough, powerful enough to hold your fear in your heart in the same way a mother holds a child in hers. Hold it in your heart and forge on; it doesn’t have to hold you back.

So when we sit with fear and look into it, we find at the root of all fear is fear of death. Death of a moment, death of an age, death of a relationship, death of the ego, death of a life – what have you – we are very afraid of the inevitable end. It’s understandable, fear of death must be built into us in a deep and pervading way - fear of death is a survival instinct. So again, we must approach fear with respect and kindness – it’s there for a reason.

However, it’s our fear of death that is the cause for our tendency to attach ourselves to pleasure, praise, work, people, relationships, thought patterns, stories, emotions, you name it. Attachment is a big issue with humans; it’s the cause of suffering. The moment we are born, we take a dive off the cliff of life, and, falling through the space of life and tumbling towards death, we flail, we reach, we grasp for any rock, nook or cranny to hold onto, to slow it down, to escape it, to cheat death. We fight the fall. We fight it by grasping for things that will distract us from the inevitable. That’s called attachment.

The thing about attachment is that the objects of our attachments will always slip away, break off, turn to dust and blow away in the wind. We know this, so we stress out about hanging on to them. We grow fearful we’ll lose them. Our attachments are temporary band-aids covering up the real problem, and that is we’re falling, we don’t know what’s going to happen, and we’re afraid. When we can see our attachments for what they are we can decide if they serve us, and we can decide to let them go. The freedom you gain, the energy you save from letting go of attachments that do not serve you will aid you on the path to your bliss.

What if we can jump off the cliff and, instead of flailing, fearful - what if we choose to soar? The fear can be there - after all, we are soaring through uncertainty, and towards death – but what if we can hold that fear with kindness and courageously accept all that comes, as it comes. When we can choose to accept the uncertainty and laugh with the fear, we can open our eyes and see all the delicious possibility of life. Life is a gift, and it’s for us to do with what we will. We can sleep through it, or wake up to it. We can flail or soar.  The choice is ours. 

Choosing a good life is not an easy path at times. It takes facing fears, looking inside, forgiving yourself and letting go of pains and gains, which takes commitment and practice. However I think it's worth it... I think I'm tired of scraping my fingers on the the cliffside, grasping to attach myself in order to escape the inevitable. Might as well take a risk and let go, fly in the uncertainty, notice the view, laugh at the turbulence, get curious and have a little fun while we've got this life, this space to soar.